


Light in the Shadow

by bullpavus (talksmaths)



Series: Not Alone Do We Stand [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Lyrium Withdrawal, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 03:13:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18065507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talksmaths/pseuds/bullpavus
Summary: After Cullen explains to Cassandra and Lavellan about the effects of his lyrium withdrawals, Dorian seems to be the only one who can help.





	Light in the Shadow

Cullen raises his arms to protect his head, even though Lavellan hitting him with a stack of his papers doesn’t really hurt.

“What--the--ever--loving--fuck--are--you--doing?!” she yells. “You could die!”

“I haven’t yet.”

Exasperated, Lavellan glares at Cullen as she whacks the papers down on his desk. “You’re not immortal.”

“I know,” he says simply, rearranging the papers back to where they belong. “But I can’t be leading the Inquisition if I’m dependent on lyrium. I can’t rely on anything other than myself. We can’t afford my dependency.”

Lavellan takes a few deep breaths, pushing her hair unruly blonde hair out of her face. She looks at Cullen with no longer anger, but worry, and it makes Cullen’s stomach knot. He didn’t want to make things even  _ worse _ .

“I have asked Cassandra to hold me accountable,” he explains. “If I am ever not...if I falter, she will have control.”

Lavellan waited a few moments before responding.

“All right,” she says finally. The calm in her voice is far more threatening than her yelling. This was more serious, more vulnerable, more  _ true _ . “Thank you for telling me. I admire your strength.”

She looks down at the papers she had wielded one last time before leaving Cullen’s study. Once she has shut the door behind her, he presses the heels of his palm into his forehead. Pressure is the only way he can alleviate the pain. Even after pressing so hard his wrists hurt, Cullen bitterly admits that not even this is helping anymore. His withdrawal symptoms are getting worse every day, and he doesn’t know how to--

_ You could die _ .

The memory makes Cullen feel even more nauseated. He leaves his study, squinting his eyes at the sunlight, headache wrapping a tight hand around the back of his neck. This wasn’t just about him. He couldn’t afford to be a martyr. He is responsible for the success of the Inquisition.

He had to do it for everyone.


End file.
